![masculine gay men in therapy masculine gay men in therapy](https://img.maximummedia.ie/joe_co_uk/eyJkYXRhIjoie1widXJsXCI6XCJodHRwOlxcXC9cXFwvbWVkaWEtam9lY291ay5tYXhpbXVtbWVkaWEuaWUuczMuYW1hem9uYXdzLmNvbVxcXC93cC1jb250ZW50XFxcL3VwbG9hZHNcXFwvMjAyMVxcXC8wM1xcXC8wMjA5MjU1NFxcXC9nYXktc2V4LXRoZXJhcGlzdC5wbmdcIixcIndpZHRoXCI6NjQ3LFwiaGVpZ2h0XCI6MzQwLFwiZGVmYXVsdFwiOlwiaHR0cHM6XFxcL1xcXC93d3cuam9lLmNvLnVrXFxcL2Fzc2V0c1xcXC9pbWFnZXNcXFwvam9lY291a1xcXC9uby1pbWFnZS5wbmc_aWQ9NDk3YTc5YThjNTI0ZmI1ZWM2MTlcIixcIm9wdGlvbnNcIjpbXX0iLCJoYXNoIjoiMjdkZGQ1ZWFhMzVjYWE3MmI5MTgxOWE5NGEyMWY2MmRhMDhiYWUyMyJ9/gay-sex-therapist.png)
If that was what being gay meant-and with 30-plus years on me, they would know-then I wanted to be normal, too. They were tired of the club scene, the drug use, the promiscuity their relationships didn't last they complained that gay culture was youth-obsessed. The other men-four or five altogether-were in their forties and fifties and talked about their years in the "gay lifestyle," which had yielded only unhappiness. After our one-on-one meeting ended, I joined some of his other patients for group therapy. I agreed to start weekly sessions by phone. "If you don't think this is working, you can stop anytime." "Are you open to therapy?" Nicolosi asked. When I was in grade school, I preferred helping the teacher clean the classroom during breaks instead of playing sports. "Male friends?" I admitted that I had always had trouble relating to boys my age. "Tell me about your friends at school," he said. But maybe this was something I had power over.įor the last half of the session, I talked with Nicolosi alone. Until I had spoken with Nicolosi, I had resigned myself to the idea that, desirable or not, my life would have to accommodate the fact that I was gay. His confidence in the outcome made me hopeful. Nicolosi's acknowledgment that change wouldn't be absolute made the theory seem reasonable. I might have lingering thoughts about men, but they would no longer control me. When my father and I first sat down, Nicolosi explained what he meant by "cure." Although I might never feel a spark of excitement when I saw a woman walking down the street, as I progressed in therapy, my homosexual attractions would diminish. Middle-aged with thick, graying black hair, Nicolosi grew up in New York City and spoke with a faint Bronx accent. Nicolosi's corner office had emerald-green carpet and mahogany bookshelves lined with titles like Homosexuality: A Freedom Too Far and Homosexuality and the Politics of Truth. The Thomas Aquinas Psychological Clinic was on the 13th floor of a modern building on Ventura Boulevard, one of the San Fernando Valley's main thoroughfares.
![masculine gay men in therapy masculine gay men in therapy](https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/images/ic/704xn/p05hr20h.jpg)
I agreed to fly with my father to Los Angeles from our small town on the Arizona-Mexico border for an initial consultation. They were interviews with Nicolosi's patients, who talked about how therapy helped them overcome depression and feel "comfortable in their masculinity." The testimonials seemed genuine, and the patients, grateful. I read through the papers my mom had salvaged from the trash. She said Nicolosi had treated hundreds of people who were now able to live "normal" lives. Joseph Nicolosi, a clinical psychologist in California who was then president of the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH), the country's largest organization for practitioners of ex-gay therapy. "The gay lifestyle is very lonely," she said.
![masculine gay men in therapy masculine gay men in therapy](https://hips.hearstapps.com/hmg-prod.s3.amazonaws.com/images/handsomedevil-1592927018.jpg)
In fact, I had always imagined myself middle-aged, married to a woman, and having a son and daughter-didn't everyone want some version of that? I hadn't thought about how my infatuation with boys would play out over the course of my life. I admitted that life would be easier if such a pill existed. My mother responded by asking whether I wanted a family, then posed a hypothetical: "If there were a pill you could take that would make you straight, would you take it?" I said I didn't see how talking about myself in a therapist's office was going to make me stop liking guys. My mom is a problem solver, and the next day she handed me a stack of papers she had printed out from the Internet about reorientation, or "ex-gay," therapy. "I knew it, ever since you were a little boy." She had snooped through my e-mail and discovered a message in which I confessed to having a crush on a male classmate. Early in my freshman year of high school, I came home to find my mom sitting on her bed, crying.